November 12th isn’t a good day

Today is my Grandmother’s Birthday, she passed away a few months after my mother from Brain & Lung Cancer. It’s not something I wanna think about but it’s not easy to let it go, when my mother suddenly passed the family took over what she was doing by caring for her so she’d be comfortable. We knew she’d eventually pass but it was still hard to accept that fact, we wanted her to be as comfortable as possible while she fought her illness. Me, my sister and girlfriend at the time moved in with her so that we could keep an eye on her. I’m thankful my mother wasn’t here to see her passing but I’m also upset that she didn’t get to see her mother one last time before she passed away. Watching her go back and forth to her Chemotherapy appointments were depressing but I knew she needed to go so that it would give her a fighting chance, it was a long shot but any type of medical help was enough to ease my anxiety. I didn’t wanna tell anyone that I was feeling like running away because it was so much going on with a sudden death from my mother then my grandmother getting worse, she woke up one morning saying it was hard for her to breathe so we got her to a hospital. Finding out she needed a machine to help with her breathing and that she only had a week at the most made my mental health skyrocket, it was too close to my mother leaving me and I was nowhere near over that. The days were going by and all we could think about is how bad our luck was that year, we got so much stress added on that I contemplated suicide for a sec. I kept it to myself because I was trying to be strong in front of my family, we went to the hospital on the last day they had to take her off the machine and we had our last moments with her playing all her favorite music. I looked at her eyes get weaker and weaker until she finally closed them, the doctor came over and then the line finally came out, she had finally passed… So many tears and people walking out from this that made me not wanna be there anymore, we left out the room and I just couldn’t really breathe. I told everyone I was alright but really deep down I wanted to let it all go…

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