I sometimes think I should let my emotions handle my well being. It’s just one of those random thoughts I have from time to time. It’s not too bad but my anxiety is often high when I do push myself too far. I’m working on learning how to keep myself steady and not feeling like I should break down. It’s been a rough few years and I need a constant reminder that sometimes disasters are ok. Multiple tragedies can sometimes be a sort of stepping stone for great things or at least that’s what I believe usually. There are times where I wanna go back and change what bad things have happened either to me of what I’ve witnessed but I’ve learned that I don’t need to beat myself up about it. It’s ok to be sad or angry at the hand you were dealt. I think I would’ve felt a hell of a lot better if I thought this way as a kid. My mind is sort of like a paradox filled with what if’s? and why’s that? It’s like I can’t stop thinking about the future and I mean that as in maybe someday I’ll completely go mental and not come back to reality. It’s crossed my mind to keep myself closed in and have a caretaker because I’m afraid of myself. One day I’m feeling fine but the next I feel like I’m a hazard to those around me. The joys of mental health are always finding ways to make me doubt my existence. I’m really in a tight spot in my head and I just want what’s best for myself no matter what the decision is. Maybe someday I’ll finally be able to relax my mind and not give a shit so much.