Stressful promise

You ever have those days where you are feeling like you can’t keep up with something you promised a loved one that you’ll handle? That’s what I’m feeling like today even though I have been doing it for the past 2 years. I made a promise to my mother that I’ll look after my sister and brothers once she was gone, she entrusted me with all of her affairs and with my sister getting into her accident on top of her getting sick I can feel the pressure all around me. I talk to her all the time and she tells me to stop worrying about her so much that it’ll cause me to stop living my life, she says she’d rather see me happy more than anything. I want her health to be better and I want my anxiety to stop kicking my fucking ass whenever I get a phone call from her because I’m afraid it’ll be terrible news. My promise to my mother has been a priority over anything else, I wonder if something changed with those priorities would I be considered a failure or will it just disappoint both my mother and sister? I wish I could speak to her and get some comfort or insight on what I could do to not drop everything and say fuck it, sometimes it just feels easier to throw in the towel and accept defeat. At this point I’d feel so much better without having any responsibilities but at the cost of letting my mother down it’d be unacceptable so I’ll just roll with it, seriously fuck mental health and everything else wrong with it. I hate feeling like a burden and I just wanna feel what it’s like to not have inner issues for once, even if it’s just 5 minutes. I hope I don’t let it win for my siblings sake because right now I feel like it’s gonna be a 0-1 situation and that’s not good for anyone especially in our lives at this exact point and time…

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