Couldn’t hold it together much longer

During my days as a kid it became apparent that I was gonna have to get used to my Schizophrenia so I needed to seek more info on some things I could do to cope with it. I asked my therapist of some activities or distractions that could keep my mental state in check because the medication wasn’t doing enough at the time. I recall profusely sweating with hard breathing once from making another attempt to try going out without proper caution alone. That turned out to be a bust for obvious reasons and to put it bluntly, I had a panic attack out in public… A little progress was made though as I calmed myself even if it was only just this once. There was this one day I refused to go out at all because I was so afraid of this situation happening again, I pretended I was actually going to class but after 15-20 mins I came back to the house. The pressure was so intense because the voices were so much stronger than before and it took everything not to listen to them. Not a single soul knows this so this is my first time putting this out there that during that moment I contemplated suicide, so much that I took some liquid medicine and pills because I was struggling to keep a clear mind and stop myself from taking another life because the voices told me too. To my surprise the suicide failed, but was it because I was kept alive for a reason or was I unlucky in my attempt…?

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